When you know your window, you can start to work with your nervous system—not against it.

Have you ever felt totally overwhelmed by something minor—or strangely numb during something major? Maybe you’ve snapped at someone and instantly regretted it, or spaced out during a stressful moment and couldn’t remember what happened.

These aren’t signs of weakness or overreaction. They’re signs that you may be outside your Window of Tolerance.

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

The Window of Tolerance is a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel to describe the optimal zone of nervous system functioning. When you’re inside your window, you feel grounded and emotionally present. You can think clearly, make decisions, connect with others, and respond to challenges with flexibility.

When you’re outside your window, your nervous system shifts into survival mode. You’re no longer processing from a place of regulation—you’re reacting from a place of threat.

Three States of the Nervous System Within the Window (Optimal Arousal)

You feel safe, calm, and capable of handling stress. Emotions are present, but not overwhelming. You're engaged, curious, and able to connect with others.

Hyperarousal (Fight/Flight)

When the nervous system senses danger, it ramps up. You may feel anxious, agitated, panicked, angry, or out of control. Common experiences include racing thoughts, rapid heart rate, muscle tension, or feeling like you need to escape.

Hypoarousal (Freeze/Shut Down)

This is the opposite response—when the system goes into collapse. You may feel numb, disconnected, exhausted, or “not there.” It's often mistaken for laziness or depression, but it’s actually the nervous system going offline to protect you.

Trauma and a Narrowed Window

People with trauma—especially complex or developmental trauma—often have a narrower window. This means that everyday stressors can more easily push them into dysregulation. Their systems learned early on that the world isn’t safe, so they may live in a near-constant state of hypervigilance or shutdown.

The good news is: the window can be widened.

How Therapy Can Help Expand the Window of Tolerance

Trauma-informed therapies like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, and parts work help you reconnect with your body, build awareness of your nervous system, and process past experiences that are keeping you stuck.

Some ways therapy can help:

· Track your nervous system cues: Learn what hyperarousal and hypoarousal feel like for you.

· Develop regulation tools: Breathing, grounding, movement, and sensory input can bring you back into your window.

· Heal unresolved trauma: As the system processes old pain, it doesn’t need to react so strongly to new stress.

· Build safety through relationship: A secure therapeutic bond helps your system learn what it’s like to feel connected and safe.

Signs You’re Within or Outside Your Window

State: What It Feels Like

Window: Calm, alert, curious, emotionally present

Fight/Flight: Restless, angry, anxious, overwhelmed, irritable

Freeze: Numb, disconnected, foggy, fatigued, shut down

Final Thoughts

Your nervous system isn’t the enemy—it’s trying to protect you. But when you live outside your window too often, life starts to feel chaotic, disconnected, or exhausting.

You can learn to come back home to yourself.

With the right support and tools, you can widen your window, feel more grounded in your body, and respond to life with greater ease and clarity.

You are not broken. You’re a person whose nervous system learned to survive. And healing is absolutely possible.