When we think of trauma responses, most people are familiar with fight, flight, or freeze. But there’s another survival strategy that often goes unnoticed: fawn.

The fawn response is when a person avoids conflict and secures safety by appeasing others, putting aside their own needs, and striving to keep the peace at all costs. For many, this shows up as chronic people-pleasing.

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What Is the Fawn Response?

The fawn response develops when someone learns — often in childhood — that the best way to stay safe or avoid harm is to be agreeable, accommodating, and self-sacrificing. This can look like: - Saying “yes” when you want to say “no” -

Minimizing your feelings to avoid being a burden - Trying to predict and meet others’ needs before they ask - Avoiding conflict, even when something hurts you - Seeking approval as a way to feel safe and valued

At its core, fawning is not weakness — it’s a survival strategy. Your nervous system learned that the way to reduce threat was to appease and connect, to get rid of the threat, even at the expense of yourself.

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How People-Pleasing Becomes a Survival Habit

When someone grows up in an environment where love or safety is conditional — perhaps around unpredictable caregivers, emotional neglect, or abuse — their nervous system wires itself to prioritize harmony and safety above authenticity.

Grief and trauma often shake us at the deepest levels of our being. They can leave us feeling disoriented, isolated, or even questioning the meaning of life itself. While traditional therapy and evidence-based approaches provide powerful tools for recovery, many people find that their spiritual beliefs and practices create a foundation of hope, resilience, and healing that psychology alone cannot always reach.

The Role of Spirit in Healing

Spirituality—whether rooted in religion, personal belief, or a connection with nature and the universe—offers a sense of belonging to something greater than ourselves. When someone is grieving or healing from trauma, this larger perspective can create space for:

• Meaning-making: Trauma often leaves us with the haunting question “Why?” Spirituality can provide a lens for making sense of painful events, allowing us to weave them into the broader story of our lives.

• Hope and renewal: Belief in something beyond the present moment can remind us that suffering is not the end of the story. Hope becomes a source of energy to keep moving forward.

• Connection: Spiritual practices often emphasize love, compassion, and interconnectedness. Feeling supported by community, ancestors, God, or the universe helps ease the loneliness of grief.

When we go through overwhelming experiences, the body doesn’t always process them in the moment. Trauma can become “stuck” — not just in our memories, but in our nervous system and even in our physical sensations. This can show up as tension, racing thoughts, emotional reactivity, or a sense of being frozen and disconnected.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a powerful way to help clients release these stuck emotions and energies, giving the mind and body a chance to complete what couldn’t be finished at the time of the trauma.

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How EMDR Helps Release Stuck Energy

EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements, and alternating tapping) to activate the brain’s natural healing processes. While the client focuses on a distressing memory, the bilateral stimulation helps the nervous system “unlock” where the trauma has been held.

Clients often notice: - Physical sensations shifting or releasing (tightness in the chest loosening, tension melting, tears flowing) - Emotions moving through rather than staying trapped - A sense of completion — the body feels lighter and freer.

This process allows the nervous system to finish what it started during the trauma and reset into balance.

Have you ever felt ashamed just for having needs?

Maybe someone called you "too sensitive," or dismissed you when you asked for reassurance, support, or clarity. Other examples of emotional invalidation include "you are intense," "You are overthinking it," or "that is not a big deal."

It can also come in the form of silence -- the shrug, the change of subject, the blank stare that says "This conversation makes me uncomfortable."

And over time, you learn to carry that discomfort alone.

Being judged for your needs doesn't just hurt in the moment: it can teach you that your inner world is wrong. Over time, you may start shrinking yourself to avoid criticism, silence your emotions to keep the peace, or question whether you are even allowed to feel what you feel.

This is the hidden harm of emotional invalidation.

When someone judges your needs, they’re not just disagreeing with you — they’re suggesting that your internal experience is wrong, excessive, inconvenient, or even manipulative.

How Judging Needs Becomes Internalized

Repeated invalidation teaches you one thing: Your needs are wrong.

You begin to tell yourself the following:

“Nothing bad happened to me growing up... so why do I feel so empty, anxious, or unworthy?”

If you have ever asked yourself that question, you're not alone. Many adults struggle with unexplained feelings of emptiness, chronic guilt, low self-esteem, or difficulty in relationships — despite having no “obvious” trauma to point to. One of the most overlooked and misunderstood forms of trauma is Childhood Emotional Neglect — often abbreviated as CEN. It’s not about what did happen in your childhood. It’s about what didn’t.

What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

Childhood Emotional Neglect occurs when a child’s emotional needs — for affection, validation, comfort, and guidance — are routinely ignored, minimized, or unmet by caregivers.

It’s not usually the result of abuse, chaos, or cruelty. In fact, it often happens in otherwise “normal” households where physical needs were met: there was food, shelter, clothes, and even love in some form. But emotions? They weren’t seen, named, or welcomed.

• Were you told to “toughen up” or “stop crying”?

• Did no one ask how you felt or help you work through emotions?

• Did you learn to handle everything alone and never burden others?

Imagine trying to organize a cluttered closet while someone is throwing tennis balls at your head, your phone is ringing, and the smoke alarm is beeping. That’s not a joke—it’s a pretty accurate description of what it can feel like to live with ADHD.

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is often misunderstood. It's not about being careless, lazy, or irresponsible. It's about having a brain that operates on a different rhythm, often juggling more noise and stimulation than it can comfortably manage. For those living with it—and for those who love them—this difference can create frustration, misunderstanding, and shame.

But it doesn’t have to.

This blog is an invitation to shift from blame to understanding. From judgment to compassion. From chaos to connection.

What ADHD Is (And Isn’t)

ADHD is a neurological condition that affects the brain’s executive functions—things like impulse control, working memory, planning, emotional regulation, and task initiation.

ADHD is not a choice.

It’s not a failure of effort.

It’s not an excuse.

But it is real. And it often makes everyday life much harder than it looks from the outside. Neurologically speaking, ADHD brains show differences in how dopamine and norepinephrine are distributed—chemicals that play a big role in motivation, focus, and reward. This means the ADHD brain often seeks stimulation in order to function. Without it, the brain may feel sluggish, scattered, or stuck.

Imagine this: You express a concern, only to be told you’re “too sensitive” or “imagining things.” You remember a hurtful event, but the other person insists it never happened. Over time, you begin to question your memory, your instincts, even your sanity. This is the insidious impact of gaslighting—a form of emotional abuse that can cause deep psychological trauma.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where someone causes you to doubt your own perception of reality. It often involves denial, deflection, minimization, or outright lies. It can happen in romantic relationships, families, workplaces—even in societal or cultural systems.

Examples of gaslighting might include:

 - “That never happened. You’re making it up.”

 - “You’re crazy. Everyone thinks so.”

 - “You’re too emotional. You always blow things out of proportion.”

The goal is control—subtle or overt. And the result? You feel confused, disoriented, anxious, and unsure of what’s real, causing you to question your judgment.

The Trauma of Gaslighting

Gaslighting isn’t just manipulation. When it’s ongoing, it becomes traumatic. Your nervous system begins to live in a constant state of vigilance and self-doubt. This emotional whiplash can erode your sense of identity and safety in relationships.

Have you ever found yourself putting something off for days—or weeks—because you want to do it perfectly? Maybe the task feels so overwhelming that you can’t even begin, or you keep tinkering with it long after it's been done, hoping to make it just a little bit better. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. What many people don’t realize is that procrastination isn’t always about laziness—it’s often rooted in perfectionism.

Why Perfectionists Procrastinate

At its core, perfectionism is about fear: fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of not being good enough. When we set impossibly high standards for ourselves, the pressure to meet them can become paralyzing. The task looms larger than life, and suddenly starting it feels like too much. So we wait. We tell ourselves we need more time, more energy, more clarity. But often, we’re waiting for the moment when we feel “perfect enough” to begin—a moment that never comes.

The Inner Critic’s Role

Perfectionism is fueled by an internal voice that says, If I don’t do this perfectly, I’ll be seen as a failure. That inner critic can sound a lot like early caregivers, teachers, or cultural messages that taught us our worth was tied to our performance. It creates a cycle of self-doubt that makes it difficult to start—or finish—anything without anxiety.

Have you ever wondered why you struggle to trust others, fear abandonment, or feel overwhelmed by intimacy? Or why certain patterns keep showing up in your relationships, no matter how much you try to change them?

Much of this can be traced back to something fundamental: your attachment style.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles are the emotional and behavioral patterns we develop in early childhood to connect with our caregivers. They shape how we view ourselves, others, and relationships throughout our lives. The four main types are:

- Secure Attachment – Developed when caregivers are consistently responsive and attuned.

- Anxious Attachment – Formed when care is inconsistent or intrusive.

- Avoidant Attachment – Develops when caregivers are emotionally unavailable or rejecting.

- Disorganized Attachment – Often the result of early trauma, abuse, or neglect.

While attachment patterns form early, they’re not fixed. With awareness, support, and the right kind of healing, they can change. This is where EMDR therapy—particularly when focused on early childhood memories—can be transformational.

Why Focus on Childhood?

Most people are familiar with PTSD—the kind that can follow a specific, terrifying event like a car accident or natural disaster. But there’s another form of trauma that’s more chronic, more insidious, and often misunderstood: Complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

C-PTSD doesn’t come from one overwhelming moment. It comes from many—repeated over time, especially in childhood—where a person felt unsafe, unseen, or powerless.

It’s not just what happened. It’s what kept happening.

What Causes Complex PTSD?

Complex PTSD is typically the result of long-term, ongoing trauma, especially when escape or protection wasn’t possible.

Common sources include:

- Childhood emotional neglect or abuse

- Growing up in a household with addiction, mental illness, or unpredictable caregiving

- Domestic violence

- Long-term bullying or relational trauma

- Being in a controlling or emotionally abusive relationship

- Repeated exposure to unsafe or invalidating environments

While PTSD often results from a single traumatic incident, C-PTSD reflects chronic, developmental trauma—especially when a child’s emotional needs weren’t met during their most formative years.

Self-compassion can feel like a beautiful idea in theory—something we know we “should” practice. But in real life, it often feels much harder.

You might wonder:

- “Am I just letting myself off the hook?”

- “If I stop being hard on myself, won’t I get lazy or lose control?”

- “How do I even start being kind to myself when I don’t believe I deserve it?”

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Self-compassion is a skill—one many of us were never taught. But the good news? It’s never too late to learn.

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same warmth and understanding you’d offer someone you love.

It’s not about being selfish. It’s not about denying mistakes. And it’s definitely not about toxic positivity or pretending everything’s okay.

It’s about showing up for yourself—even when you’re hurting, ashamed, angry, or afraid—with the message:

“You’re still worthy. You’re still human. You’re still allowed to be here.”

If you grew up in an environment where love was conditional—based on achievement, perfection, or keeping the peace—you probably learned that being hard on yourself was “motivating” or even “necessary.”

*Helping Your Brain and Body Finally Process What Felt Stuck*

If you’ve ever felt haunted by a painful experience—whether it's something big like an accident or something subtle but still deeply distressing—you're not alone. Trauma can leave you feeling like the past is always just beneath the surface, intruding on your present with sudden memories, emotional flooding, or a sense of being stuck.

EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a powerful and research-backed therapy that helps people heal from these emotional wounds—not just by talking about them, but by reprocessing them in a way that brings lasting relief.

Trauma Disrupts the Brain’s Natural Processing

When something traumatic happens, your brain’s natural ability to process information can get overwhelmed. Instead of storing the memory in a way that makes sense and feels resolved, it gets “stuck”—like a file that keeps popping open with all the raw emotion, images, body sensations, and beliefs intact.

You may know on a logical level that you're safe now, but your nervous system hasn’t gotten the memo. That’s where EMDR comes in.

What Is EMDR, Really?

EMDR is an integrative therapy that helps your brain reprocess distressing memories so they lose their emotional charge. It doesn’t erase the memory—it just allows it to become something that happened in the past, rather than something you keep reliving in the present.

Understanding your attachment style is the first step to healing patterns and building more fulfilling connections.

Have you ever found yourself pulling away when someone gets too close—or clinging when you sense distance? Maybe you’ve felt like you’re “too much” or “not enough” in your relationships, even when nothing objectively went wrong. These aren’t just random behaviors. They’re often rooted in something deeper: your attachment style.

What Is Attachment?

Attachment refers to the emotional bond we form with our primary caregivers during childhood. These early relationships teach us what to expect from others: whether we can trust, how safe it feels to express needs, and whether closeness brings comfort or fear.

Over time, those early patterns often show up in adult relationships—especially romantic ones.

The Four Main Attachment Styles

Secure Attachment

People with a secure attachment style tend to feel comfortable with intimacy and autonomy. They trust that others will be there for them, and they’re also able to support others in return. These individuals can communicate effectively, handle conflict in healthy ways, and generally feel safe in connection.

When you know your window, you can start to work with your nervous system—not against it.

Have you ever felt totally overwhelmed by something minor—or strangely numb during something major? Maybe you’ve snapped at someone and instantly regretted it, or spaced out during a stressful moment and couldn’t remember what happened.

These aren’t signs of weakness or overreaction. They’re signs that you may be outside your Window of Tolerance.

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

The Window of Tolerance is a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel to describe the optimal zone of nervous system functioning. When you’re inside your window, you feel grounded and emotionally present. You can think clearly, make decisions, connect with others, and respond to challenges with flexibility.

When you’re outside your window, your nervous system shifts into survival mode. You’re no longer processing from a place of regulation—you’re reacting from a place of threat.

Three States of the Nervous System Within the Window (Optimal Arousal)

You feel safe, calm, and capable of handling stress. Emotions are present, but not overwhelming. You're engaged, curious, and able to connect with others.

When worry takes over, sometimes imagination is the best medicine.

If you live with generalized anxiety, you may feel like your brain is constantly preparing for disaster—even when everything seems fine on the surface. It’s as if your inner narrator is reading a suspense novel… and you’re the main character in danger.

Worry becomes a reflex. Your body stays on alert. And the what-ifs never seem to stop. But here’s the hopeful truth: anxiety doesn’t have to run the show. With the right tools—and a bit of creativity—therapy can help you quiet the inner noise and reconnect with a sense of safety, flexibility, and even humor.

What Is Generalized Anxiety?

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) involves excessive, persistent worry about a wide range of topics—health, relationships, work, the future. People with GAD often:

 Find it difficult to control their worrying.

 Feel restless, tense, or keyed up.

 Have trouble concentrating or sleeping.

 Experience physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, or muscle tension.

It’s not just “overthinking.” It’s a nervous system stuck in a loop of hypervigilance, often rooted in early life experiences where uncertainty or stress felt dangerous.

Sometimes, the love we didn’t receive becomes the love we learn to give ourselves.

Many people who carry attachment wounds have a deep, unmet longing—a need to feel seen, soothed, and safe in the presence of a caregiver who truly shows up. If you didn’t have that kind of care as a child, you might now find it hard to trust, to feel worthy of love, or to stay regulated when someone gets close.

But healing is possible. Even if your early environment lacked safety or emotional attunement, you can begin to reparent yourself—starting with one powerful and imaginative step: visualizing the kind of mother you needed.

Why Imagining an Ideal Mom Helps Heal

This isn’t about erasing the past or pretending things were different. It’s about offering your nervous system something it didn’t get but desperately needed: co-regulation, tenderness, and secure connection.

When you engage your imagination to create an ideal, nurturing mother, you are:

· Activating new neural pathways of safety and soothing.

· Offering your inner child the love and protection they missed.

· Creating an internal resource to call upon during moments of distress, self-doubt, or loneliness.

*Reconnecting the Body and Mind in the Journey to Recovery*

When we experience trauma, it doesn’t just live in our minds—it lives in our bodies. You might feel it as chronic tension in your shoulders, a tight chest when you feel overwhelmed, or a constant undercurrent of anxiety that you can’t explain. These are not just emotional reactions; they’re physical expressions of pain that hasn’t yet had the chance to be processed and released.

Somatic therapy bridges the gap between talk therapy and the body’s innate wisdom. It’s an approach that recognizes that healing isn’t just about understanding what happened—it’s about safely returning to your body, feeling your feelings without becoming overwhelmed, and slowly restoring a sense of safety from the inside out.

The Body Keeps the Score

When trauma occurs, the nervous system often gets stuck in survival states—fight, flight, freeze, or collapse. Even after the threat has passed, your body may still operate as if you’re in danger. This is why you might find yourself feeling hypervigilant, disconnected, or reactive even when things seem “fine.” Somatic therapy helps interrupt that loop. Instead of only focusing on thoughts or memories, it brings attention to physical sensations, breath, posture, and movement. These subtle shifts can support the nervous system in returning to a regulated, calm state—what we often call “coming home to the body.”